Joseph's Birth; An Eye Witness Account

"Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God... for God is Love." 1 John 4:7-8

"(Joseph's life) so touched my heart that it would change my life forever. For the first time in my life I observed what unconditional love is and learned how to give thanks in all circumstances." Dr Huang, Anesthesiologist, Sinai Hospital

Joseph meeting his family

(Photo Credit: www.heatherbeephoto.com NILMDST)

 

Finally we meet face to face!

 

Singing in the OR

``

We love you sweet baby

 

Joseph Angelo, Pray for Us!

 

 

On the day of Joseph’s birth, we met Dr. Ligang Huang, the Anesthesiologist who would be caring for me during the Caesarean Section. Dr. Huang was so moved by her witness of Joseph’s life that she wrote a beautiful, very personal essay about her experience and has shared it with us. I am humbled and blessed to share some excerpts of her essay with you now. She she shares her experience from a perspective of one who met Joseph and was deeply touched by his brief life. We are so thankful for her account….. She writes….

“I have been an anesthetist for eight years and I’ve lost count of the times I’ve done anesthesia for caesarean sections. Many times I celebrated the birth of a new life. Sometimes I was saddened to see some premature babies requiring intubation sent to the neonatal intensive care unit. A few times, the fetus had already died in vivo, and I mourned with the moms. Over all these years of providing obstetrics anesthesia, I either celebrated the new births, or lamented for the lives lost. There was never a time to celebrate and mourn, feel joyful and sorrow at the same time. Last week, one of the caesarean sections transcended this dichotomy. It so touched my heart that it would change my life forever. For the first time in my life I observed what unconditional love is and learned how to give thanks in all circumstances.

Preoperatively we were informed that the fetus had Thanatophoric Dysplasia, the term means death bearing in Greek. This is a very rare genetic disorder due to one single gene’s mutation. The fetus’ skeletal system is severely affected, as a result of it, the thorax is extremely short and small, and the lungs fail to develop. Many fetuses die in the wombs, and a few who survive to birth will soon die due to respiratory failure. Knowing this, all the people at the labor and delivery unit showed extra consideration to the patient Jenny and her husband John. I had a brief conversation with them during the preoperative interview. They looked quite calm, though a hint of sadness was observable.

Technically this C-Section was no different from other Caesareans. My student did a spinal anesthesia for Jenny…. Then the obstetricians started the surgery. I saw John holding a small bag with blue-flower print. I asked him what it was for. He said it contained a small water bottle and other baptism supplies. Soon the baby was delivered. He only cried twice in a weak voice, then stopped.

She goes on to describe the surgery and Joseph’s  appearance and states

Then John walked over to him, disregarded the baby’s physical appearance, gently said to him: “Joe, Joe, dad is here, mommy is here. We both love you, but Jesus loves you even more. Happy birthday!” He talked to the baby as if this child was a healthy, vibrant, handsome boy, a noble prince.

She describes Joseph being handed to John and him cutting the umbilical cord, and states she was so touched when she heard John say something like...

 “Although you are not perfect in appearance, you are whole. In the eyes of the Lord Jesus, you are whole. ” I did not know how many people in the room understood what he just said, yet I was shocked and touched. The baby was motionless, did not breathe. A little bit light of life in his eyes gradually dimmed, the color of his face became more and more pale and dusky. John held the baby to Jenny’s bedside, his hand stroking the child's little hand.  Then this young couple started singing hymns and praying together. One of the hymns was Jesus the King of Kings. John looked at the baby tenderly, kissed his little face, touched his little fingers. As he was kissing, he choked with singing……From time to time he kissed his wife, holding her hand to comfort her….Jenny's abdomen was being stitched….. She suppressed her own discomfort, turned her head toward Joe and kissed him. At last, this couple’s hands locked together holding the baby. They sang to him so gently as if singing lullabies. Such tenderness, passion and love overwhelmed me. I had never seen something like this in my entire life. Everyone’s eyes were wet.

I stood next to John, not knowing what to say. All the words in the world seemed inadequate. In the intense light of their love for the baby and for each other, all words become feeble. The only thing I could do was to give a couple of gauzes to John to wipe his tears. My nurse anesthetist picked up John’s camera and took hundreds of pictures.

They did not despise the baby for his appearance, nor reject him because he did not do anything for them in return.  They loved him unconditionally, the way he was, not expecting any reward. They had known that this child's life might last just a few minutes, and he would never become a Dr. Successful to bring them glory. Yet they still loved him. They knew that this child would not even smile, or cry, or respond to their love, but they still loved him tenderly. They loved him, because he was created by God with the breath of life. They loved him in awe and fear of God, and accepted the gift from God humbly and gratefully. They loved him, because Jesus loves us unconditionally.  God has chosen us, not depending on our cute appearances, talents, wealth, intelligence or innocence. There is not a single righteous man in the world, all people have sinned. …..Yet Jesus still accepts us just the way we are. He even willingly came to this world to be crucified for our sins!

Oh, Jesus, Lord Jesus! As Christmas is coming, in the peak business time of the year, people are busy buying gifts, installing lights to decorate for the holiday; they seem to forget the true meaning of Christmas. The holiday is anything but a time for more fun and happiness. But what is the source of happiness? If Christmas is not focused on the Lord Jesus Christ, why do we celebrate Christmas then? At this season of celebration, how I am grateful for Jesus’ incarnation 2,000 years ago. If he did not come, we would have no future to look forward to. We would not know what unconditional and selfless love is. If he did not resurrect, we would not be able to receive His new life for eternity. The true meaning of Christmas is not about commemorating the birth of a child, but rather to commemorate the Word became flesh, the King of kings’ incarnation. Now God's love shines its radiance from within this young couple.

In contrast, how many of us appreciate the lives God has given to us? How often do we offer thanksgiving when we wake up every morning, realizing that we are able to breathe? How often do we count our blessings before we go to bed at night? We don’t cherish the children God has given us. We often think the children are our own properties. We treat them as machines and demand them to perform exactly as we desire. We scold them when they are not sensible. When they don’t know how to handle things, we do not have the patience to teach them. When their academic performances do not meet our expectation, we belittle them. We speak harsh words to them. We think that we love them, but often we love the illusions in our minds. We plan for their future professions, but we do not think it worthy to bring them back to God. Do we ever appreciate our children solely on the basis of their being created in image of God? We have seen too much violence, selfishness, greed, and indifference around us. In fact, our love is selfish and conditional. We really do not know what true love is, and do not know how to love others.

John was well aware of the feelings and emotion of his wife. At this moment of suffering, he did not even think about himself, but held out his hand to console his wife. He did not even bother to wipe his own tear but reach out for her..... He kissed his wife affectionately. He did not blame his wife for the child's deformity nor turn any anger (if there was any) toward her. And Jenny meekly accepted her husband's love and care… How many couples can share the bitterness and sweetness of life together? How many couples can face trials of all kinds from heart- to- heart?.....

She goes on to say….

In the past two decades, I have watched magnificent choirs, have listened to hymns of all kinds, but none has moved me like this couple’s. Although this choir had only two persons, their voices trembling, songs with broken sentences, without musical instruments for accompaniment, but I dare say it played the most beautiful music in the whole world, and offered the most moving praise to the Lord, because they sang from the bottom of their own hearts.

How would parents feel when they watch their child's life gradually slipping away? How would they feel when they celebrate the coming of a new life and have to bid that life farewell at the same time? How is it supposed to be when joy mixed with sorrow?  How wrenched are parents’ hearts in the loss of their own child? Is there any trial in life greater than this? What is the strength that holds John and Jenny up? What is the secret that lets them sing praise while their hearts are broken? The answer comes from the faith which is rooted in the foundation of Jesus Christ. This couple’s faith is not merely intellectual faith or knowledge, or verbal profession. Their faith comes from the gospel of Christ.  They knew that this child, though his life was short,  would not be subjected to suffering any more, for he was now at a more beautiful palace, where there is no death, no disease, no pain, no crying. He rested in the embrace of the Lord Jesus.

The apostle James said: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds.” (James1:2) Many people think that it is just intellectual joy, and in reality no one can do so during suffering. But this couple proves that it is attainable to be joyful when one suffers. Their joy comes from the promise of Jesus Christ, from their faith in the words of the Lord. Yes they were sad, but more joy in the hope of seeing their beloved Joe in heaven again later.  Praises mingled with tears has great power to touch people’s hearts.

Jenny told me that they had known the diagnosis when she was in her nineteenth week of pregnancy. But they did not want an abortion, for they believe that life is a gift from God and God alone has the right to take it back.  “The Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21) Each day they would hug the baby in the belly while waiting for him to grow more. Their love for him got stronger and stronger.  Did they complain against God about the baby’s deformity? Did they blame unfair fate? Were they angry or upset? No. They chose thanksgiving and gratitude instead. With tears Jenny told me that she was very grateful, for she had not expected the baby to live more than a few minutes, but God gave them one hour to love him! Joe was born at 9:40 am and passed away at 10:40 am. Within this short period of time, Joe was baptized with water, held by his four grandparents, and hugged by his big sister. They wanted to give him nothing but love. What is the concept of one hour? … They thanked God for giving them far more than their expectation! I just could not believe my ears to hear her saying that. Do we ever thank God for each hour of our life? In 24 hours each day, how often do we give the due thanksgiving to God for being able to take a breath? We often take God’s blessings for granted, and we still complain! We really do not know how to be grateful.

This C-section experience will not only transform me, but also transform many people. Love, transcending time, space and circumstances, is the power of melting icy hearts. Thus love comes from God, for God is love. (1 John 4:8)

 

December 13, 2012 Joseph's Birthday

I will never forget you. See upon the palms of my hands I have engraved you -Isaiah 49: 15-16

 

 

Singing Christmas Carols while Joseph meets his sister

Our little Angel

 

Dear Friends,

In this beautiful season of Advent, we welcome the Newborn King who came so that we might all have eternal life. Today our family welcomed our little angel, Joseph Angelo Mohler, born this morning at 9:40am. He left our arms and entered into our heavenly Father's at 10:40. During his time, we baptized him, prayed with him, sang songs including Christmas carols and held him. He was even able to meet all four grandparents and Aunt Katie. He knew only love and joy in his short life.

We are forever grateful to all of you for your support, love and prayers throughout our pregnancy. We will keep you posted on upcoming services and celebrations. A funeral mass will be held Saturday the 22nd at 10am at St. Marks in Catonsville and burial at New Cathedral Cemetary, a place very special to John's family, will follow. We would love to see any of you that would like to join us.

We are humbled and honored by your outpouring of gifts and flowers for us. We ask now instead, that you consider making a donation in honor of Joseph Angelo to The Northwest Pregnancy Center and Maternity Home in DC(http://www.northwestcenter.net/) to help other moms and babies in need, and continue to bring meaning to his life.

Sending much love to you all. We will provide you with more updates and details in the near future.

 

Jenny & John

Expecting the Unexpected; Joseph Angelo

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light.”- Matthew 11: 28-30

“The difficult times we fear are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.”  -Elizabeth Lesser as quoted by Mother Katherine Caldwell, TOR

“You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can’t predict the weather” -Andre 3000

“Do your best and let God do the rest” –Dr. Ben Carson

 

I have a significant, yet at the same time insignificant, update to share this week…. Angel Marie, we are told, is actually a boy! We were preliminarily told this last month and had it confirmed last Monday at our appointment. While it doesn’t really matter to us, it has been harder than I thought it would be to wrap my head around this news. We realize “the devil is in the details,” and are not letting this distract us from sharing, focusing on, and loving our child. We have thus given him a new name, Joseph Angelo. The name Angelo (and Angel) literally means “messenger from God” and His message of love is clear. As Father DeAscanis shared with us at spiritual direction last month, Angels, after all, don’t have gender.

Furthermore, at our appointment with the specialist this week, we learned that my amniotic fluid levels are increasing as Joe is having a difficult time swallowing and processing the fluid. This means that I will continue to get bigger, faster, and ultimately this may trick my body into thinking I am closer to term than I actually am, potentially causing little Joseph to arrive soon. Please continue to pray. I can assure you it is working, I know I could not be managing (and thankfully don’t have to be) on my own. “Where I am weak He is strong.”

For someone who is a planner, and a perfectionist, one who always has to be in control, (affectionately, type A if you will), I have learned many lessons in letting go and lessons in trust over the past few months…. And yes, this is probably the one and only blog in the world that quotes, Outkast, Dr. Carson and a TOR Sister in one post….  I am learning so much about myself, my incredible husband, and my wonderful family and friends in all of this. Certainly, how we react to the storms of adversity, rather than the good times, is what defines us. In life, I have found, there really are few times when we have absolutely no control over situations and when life begins and ends is at the top of the list (though many even try to “control” this and do, what I believe, only God has the authority to do). Our culture/society does not know how to handle these times. My family is thus experiencing/witnessing both of these battles at once, and the struggle is thus particularly intense. There is no way to prepare for both your child to come into this world and leave it, potentially within a matter of minutes of each other.

I can not say enough about how thankful we are for our faith and that we don’t have to go through this alone. We are prayerfully making the choices we have been offered believing in His will, and giving the rest to God. Anyway, more on suffering and redemptive love in the next post. Before I close, I would like to share a beautiful testimony with you that has inspired us and helped us prepare for what lies ahead. We are inspired by the  beauty and grace this couple received while expecting the unexpected. Click on the link below to watch at your own risk, and have some tissues on hand if you choose to do so (do not watch at work, trust me).

99 Balloons

“Not a pulpit, not a slick presentation, not a best selling book, just a 6 lb boy with Trisomy 18, God found great pleasure to take a lowly thing in the eyes of the world and show truth…. At your funeral we released 99 balloons, each balloon representing a day in your life, how beautiful it was to watch, how quickly they were gone. -Elliot’s Father

http://youtube.com/watch?v=th6Njr-qkq0

Thanksgiving 2012

“Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever.”                                                    Psalm 118:1

“Therfore, we who are receiving the unshakable kingdom should have gratitude, with which we should offer worship pleasing to God in reverence and awe. For our God is a consuming fire.”  Hebrews 12: 28-29

Thankful for my family (27 weeks pregnant) Photo Courtesy of Andrea Mellen Photography NILMDTS

Thankful for my family (27 weeks pregnant) Photo Courtesy of Andrea Mellen Photography NILMDTS

 

The entire fam in Greenville, South Carolina, 26 weeks pregnant

 

Thanksgiving Day 2012 at my parent's house (nearly 28 weeks) So much to be thankful for

 

This Thanksgiving, more than ever before, I am thankful for the gifts of faith, family and friends. I am thankful for our Angel and the lessons our little one is teaching us. I am thankful for all those who have contacted us whose lives have been touched by our story. I am thankful for all the support I have, for our wonderful Doctors, Isaiah’s Promise and Gilchrist Hospice. I am thankful most of all, for the gift of life in all its forms. I am thankful for today, for this day and every day I have with our little one. I am thankful that at our last visit with the specialist we were told our baby has a better chance of surviving till birth than was first expected and I was allowed to travel to South Carolina. We had a great trip.

I am thankful for God the Father and the examples of Mary and Joseph. How thankful I am to pray to a God of the Universe who knows the pain of losing His Son to this world, and the joy of the promise of Heaven and knowing He will live forever. How thankful I am for the intercession of Mary and Joseph, who during this season, carried their unborn Son, expecting the unexpected.

I must admit, I sat down to write this post before and did not feel very grateful. I had to pray about it and come back. Recently, creating a birth plan full of very difficult choices regarding life saving measures and interventions as well as making preparations to potentially bury our child is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Being thankful and choosing life is truly a choice. We understand we have not taken the easy road. There are days when I choose fear, anxiety, selfishness, self-pity or grief. We are only human, sure I am sad for myself and the pain we are enduring, but then I make a better choice, and choose our faith, and trust that our baby will go straight to heaven and experience eternal joy.  Eternal joy sure sounds much better than a life here on earth, so we choose gratefulness over sadness.

I spent a day this week at The Northwest Center, (a pregnancy center and maternity home for those in need in DC, that I have been involved with for nearly nine years).  Whenever I go there, I am reminded of those who are less fortunate than I. Those who don’t have a loving husband, and family and friends to support them, those who might be in poor health, have little resources, no homes to call their own, no big Thanksgiving dinner, and little money to buy diapers, or access the best prenatal care.  Yet these moms and their children choose life and choose joy as well… They inspire me, and help me realize what is important, what really matters…. and I am grateful for all I have. I am thankful for the families served at NWC, for those close to my heart who serve them, and those who make the lifesaving work of The Northwest Center possible.

Finally, John and I are beyond thankful for the support of our church in all its forms. John wrote a thank you letter to Archbishop William Lori of Baltimore this week sharing our story, offering to help others in our situation.  We are so blessed with the wonderful support system we have received from the church we love so much. He wrote “What a blessing to have our church to walk with us on this journey, loving this life that began at conception, now 29 weeks ago.”

Loving Angel Marie; Starting a Blog

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others….” Matthew 5:14-16

 

   I will start by saying I (Jenny) have never blogged before, nor have I ever had a diary or written more than two entries in a journal. I have often wished to start a journal at various times in my life but never been able to keep up with it. Well, “If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans.” My guess is that some of you who know me well got a little laugh out of me starting a website too ;) and so, humbly and prayerfully we begin our blog. Luckily, “God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.”… In all seriousness, John and I truly feel the Lord has been preparing our hearts all along for Angel Marie and we have been chosen for her and she for us. Having worked in a pregnancy center for five years and currently serving on the board for nearly four years, I am no stranger to the idea of “choosing life more abundantly.” Now more than ever I am learning, and Angel Marie is teaching us, what that truly means.

   I have started this blog for several reasons. Foremost, we wish to honor our precious daughter and the dignity and sanctity of her life. Secondly, we hope to share her life and our journey with you, while keeping you updated on our pregnancy as it progresses. Finally, we feel called and it is our hope that someday we will share our experiences (whatever they may be) with others facing adverse prenatal diagnosis.

   Angel Marie is now and always will be a part of our family. She is a daughter, sister, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter, but most of all, she is a Child of God. She is an active little girl, kicking, flipping and even sucking her thumb (as we saw on our last sonogram).  She can hear (and has been able to do so for nearly 8 weeks) and we sing and talk to her often. She has sleep and wake cycles and, like her mom and sister, is active in the evening and sleepy in the morning. No matter how hard it may be to lose her, we want to honor her life and celebrate her as much as we can each day in the short time we may (or may not) have with her here on earth. We love her no matter what and want to share with others. We want to share that her life here has meaning and a divine purpose.

    As more time passes and we are over the initial shock of receiving a terminal diagnosis, we are growing stronger and are more at peace with sharing our experience, so please don't feel bad about asking about her and talking about her. She has already deeply  touched our lives and so many others. A mutual friend, Katie, on facebook facing her own adverse prenatal diagnosis writes ”Knowing the incredible God we serve and trusting in him wholeheartedly, Patrick(her husband) and I are at peace because we know that God's will is GOOD and RIGHT and PERFECT. Every day that this baby's heart beats is a miracle and we pray that Christ would use this situation to equip us to mirror him to the world.” We could not agree more.

   Finally, it is our hope that we will someday be able to share our story with others in similar situations, that this web site might be a resource and source of hope. Feel free to post and comment and share your words of encouragement on each post. I have read several articles and studies that state as many as 80 to 90 to 95% (depending on the study) of mothers receiving adverse prenatal diagnosis choose to terminate their pregnancies. This is truly tragic. So many have already helped us along the way (more on that to come in another post), and I pray that God will provide us with opportunities in due time, to share his light to others as well.

The Peace that Surpasses Understanding: The first 6 weeks post-diagnosis

Rejoice  in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. -Philipians 4:4-8

John, Abby and I (21 weeks pregnant) at an Orioles game

In Disney World (5 weeks pregnant)

 

As you can imagine, the first five weeks since receiving Angel Marie’s terminal diagnosis have been a whirlwind. One mother in our situation writes “I never knew I was capable of so much, grief and love at the same time.” To that I add hope, joy and pain. We are so touched and overwhelmingly grateful to all of you who have supported us in so many ways. We are especially thankful for all the prayers.

 I can assure you that we feel your prayers and have a new understanding of “the peace that surpasses all understanding.” It is truly God answering all your prayers because I do not know how we would be doing so well otherwise. I can honestly say that John and I are at peace and doing very well after praying through the initial shock.

We believe in miracles. Either there will be a miracle (and as I have said before miracles come in many forms), or God will continue to bless Angel Marie on her path to heaven, knowing only love, and allow us to humbly be equipped  to share our faith, love of life, and belief in heaven with others. Already so many people have been asking us how we are so calm, and it has provided us with many opportunities to share God’s peace and grace.

Since the diagnosis we have been “choosing life” daily in celebrating Angel Marie in many ways. We have shared with her many of our favorite meals J, an Orioles game, VT football game, apple picking, and fall trip to Capon Springs West Virginia among other adventures. In her short life, she has already gone to Disney World, the beach, out dancing several times and more. God willing, and pending our visit with the specialist again on Monday, we hope to visit South Carolina next weekend. (Prayers appreciated, will keep you posted!)

Playing at Centennial Park (23 weeks pregnant)

 

The Diagnosis and The “Choice”

“I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”                     John 10:10

“I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses…. now choose life…” Deuteronomy 30:19

On September 27, 2012, we received the news from the specialist; our precious baby girl has Thanatophoric Dysplasia, type II, a very rare and severe disorder ( I will spare you the details, google at your own risk). We were told she is not expected to survive the pregnancy and if she does, her little lungs and heart will not likely be able to sustain life. At that point, the specialist gave us a choice to make; “if” we wished to continue the pregnancy.  For John and I, the choice, but for the grace of God, had been made long before we were even married, long before we chose a Pro-Life Doctor, before Abby was born, and long before we sat in the High Risk Perinatologist at Sinai Hospital’s office chairs. We both have always believed very strongly in the value and dignity of all human life, in all circumstances. We unflinchingly shared our choice with the specialist and were joined shortly thereafter by our wonderful Doctor who has supported us every step of the way.

Since that day, we have had a “choice” to make, we can view our daughter as a diagnosis, and bury ourselves in grief for our own potential loss, or we can see her as part of our family, as the child of God she is created to be, journeying towards heaven as we all are…. As I hope to share with you throughout this blog, we have “chosen life” and to love her for as long as she has life and beyond. We have made a choice to celebrate and enjoy each day that her heart beats as the gift from God that it is. We have chosen to share her with you in hopes that she may impact your lives as she has ours, treasuring every moment.