In an effort to help other mothers and families in our situation and increase awareness about Perinatal Hospice, we agreed to share our story with The Baltimore Sun. Click on the link below to read how Joseph's beautiful life continues to inspire others to celebrate life and get the help and support they need when facing a poor prenatal diagnosis...
Two mothers deal with a roller coaster of emotions as they carry babies that have been diagnosed with conditions that doctors say they will likely die from before they can walk or talk
By Andrea Walker The Baltimore Sun
John Mohler clasps his hands while sitting behind a keepsake box of items of their newborn son, Joseph Angelo. (Karl Merton Ferron/Baltimore Sun)
John and Jenny Mohler hold hands on an embroidered blanket bearing the name of their son. "The hour we spent with our son was truly one of the most beautiful and meaningful of my life," said Jenny Mohler. (Karl Merton Ferron/Baltimore Sun)
“You are my beloved son, with you I am well pleased.” -Mark 1:11
"God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission… I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place… Therefore I will trust in Him... Whatever, wherever I am... If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him; if I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain....”- Cardinal Newman (paraphrased)
“Time heals all wounds. And if it doesn't, you name them something other than wounds and agree to let them stay.” ― Emma Forrest
“As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal somebody else.” -Maya Angelo
“Where there is great love, there are always miracles” -Mother Theresa
“Ever had your feet taken out from under you?
Have you ever had the wind taken from your lungs? Ever had to forgive, when you
want to stay angry? Had to go on when you want to give up?... Let
Me heal you, let Me heal you. Let me
hide you underneath my wings. You were made for such a higher love, let me tell
you who you are to Me. Let Me love you, let Me love you. This world is just a
passing dream, don’t let it tell you who you are, let Me tell you who you are
to Me. Have you ever had to stand right before the altar knowing that your
dreams were the sacrifice? Have you ever felt the pain of the crucifixion, and
only had the hope that it leads to life?...
He says, let Me heal you, let Me
heal you … Let Me love you.” These words, from the Erik Christensen Band song "Ever had to forgive?," adequately sum up our healing journey and the
past six months better than I can put into words myself. Our healing is only
one that can be done through the Lord and understood in light of eternity. We
rejoice knowing that our son is in Heaven and will be with us again so very
soon. We are at peace knowing our loss, our suffering, has served a greater
purpose. Our healing comes from the peace that can only be found in Christ’s
love. I am letting Him heal me, I could never do it on my own, and the journey
has just begun.
It is hard to believe it has been six months since Joseph
Angelo was with us. So much has happened since then. I know I am not the person
I was seven months ago.Joseph taught me
more about life, loss, acceptance and unconditional love than I could have ever
imagined. His brief life is a beautiful gift and one of my greatest blessings.As we continue our daily lives, I struggle
between “moving on,” and “holding on” for dear life. I want to remember every detail. Joseph will always be with me as will be my scars. Now when I see my
C-section scar I no longer see a wound, I see healing, healing that will always be a part of me, and
can only be done by God alone.
Throughout the past six months there have been dark nights
and stormy days however there have been many miracles and rainbows as well.
Through the storms, we experience and appreciate the hope and the beauty of the
rainbows even more (more on this to come another day). On the difficult days,
when we miss our son the most, I find peace in remembering the lessons I have learned
through him. I hope to share some of these lessons with you so that Joseph
Angelo’s message and his memory continue to live on and touch your lives.
Joseph Angelo’s Messages;
Life Lessons Learned in
Just One Hour
ALL life is sacred.
ALL life is precious.
ALL life is a gift.
Choose life.
Make a decision every day to celebrate life.
Treasure every moment.
Take nothing for granted.
Hug your children (and those close to you) just a little
tighter.
Be not afraid.
Let go and let God.
Pray… and accept God’s will.
You don’t know what you don’t know.
We are far less in control than we’ve deceived ourselves to
think we are.
God has a plan and a mission for each of us.
“If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.”
Practice acceptance.
The world can be completely changed in just a moment.
Live each hour, don’t waste a minute.
Don’t underestimate the power, impact and influence a brief
interaction can have on others. It can change lives.
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to
it.”
Believe in miracles.
“You can live your life as though nothing is a miracle or
you can live your life as though everything is a miracle.”
There are angels (God’s messengers) everywhere.
There is redemptive love in suffering.
Suffering is a gift, tough times, challenges and struggles
make us who we are and who we are meant to be.
“Sometimes we must experience times of personal darkness to
see Christ’s light shine through.”
Courage in the tough times defines us.
Ask if you need it and accept help graciously.
“Joy shared is doubled, sorrow shared is halved.”
Choose a spouse who shares your values, dreams, joys and
what’s important to you, life’s challenges aren’t as bad with your best friend
by your side.
Rainbows provide hope in the storm, they don’t take away the
storm, but their beauty is appreciated even more because of it.
Be grateful.
Love unconditionally.
Stand strong in what you believe.Let others think what they will.
Heaven is for real and forever, our time here is fleeting
and brief.
Heaven is the ultimate goal.
Be not afraid (in case you didn’t get it the first time).
Today is a gift, live and love to the fullest! Enjoy it!
Planning for and celebrating Joseph's funeral was incredibly healing for us. We chose to celebrate the funeral with the daily mass readings for the day of his funeral 12.22.12, which applied perfectly. Thus, the universal church prayed with us on that day. We were so touched and beyond blessed to celebrate with 8 Priests and countless others who were impacted by Joseph's life. By popular demand, for those of you who were unable to attend and those who were there but wish to revisit the Mass, following is the Funeral Mass program and video clips of some highlights of the beautiful celebration..... Enjoy!
“Faith
grows when it is lived as an experience of love received and when it is
communicated as an experience of grace and joy. It makes us fruitful, because
it expands our hearts in hope and enables us to bear life-giving witness.”
Pope Benedict XVI, Porta Fidei, On The Year of Faith
December 22, 2012
St. Mark Church
Catonsville, Maryland
____________________________________________
“The way to love anything is to
realize that it may be lost.” -GK
Chesterton
“America you are beautiful . . . and blessed .
. . . The ultimate test of your greatness is the way you treat every human
being, but especially the weakest and most defenseless. If you want equal
justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend
life." -Pope John Paul II
“Each
child is sent into this world by God with a "Unique Message" to
deliver, a new personal act of love to bestow"... - John Powell, S.J.,
“A person’s a person, no matter how small.” -Dr. Seuss
"For
you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm
139:13
"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born I
sanctified you."Jeremiah 1:5
"I was cast upon thee from the womb; thy art my God from my mother's
belly" Psalm 22:10
“I will never forget you. See upon the
palms of my hands I have engravedyou.”Isaiah 49:15-16
“To
those without faith, death is the enemy, but to those who believe, Heaven is
the ultimate goal.”-unknown
“One
who hopes lives differently.” -Pope
Benedict XVI
In those days, Hannah brought Samuel with her, along with
a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour, and a skin of wine, and presented him
at the temple of the Lord in Shiloh. After the boy's father had sacrificed the
young bull, Hannah, his mother, approached Eli and said: “Pardon, my lord! As
you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood near you here, praying to the Lord.
I prayed for this child, and the Lord granted my request. Now I, in turn, give
him to the Lord; as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the Lord." She
left Samuel there.
Responsorial Psalm
Better is
One Day by Matt Redman
R:Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
How lovely is Your dwelling place, Oh
Lord Almighty
My soul longs and even faints for You
For here my heart is satisfied, within Your presence
I sing beneath the shadow of Your wings.R.
One thing I ask, and I would seek, to see Your beauty,
To find You in the place Your glory dwells.R.
My heart and flesh cry out,
For You the living God
Your Spirit's water for my soul
I've tasted and I've seen,
Come once again to me.
I will draw near to You.
I will draw near to you.
"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my savior.
for he has looked upon his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm,
and has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he remembered his promise of mercy,
the promise he made to our fathers,
to Abraham and his children for ever."
Mary remained with Elizabeth about three months
and then returned to her home.
Carol
Gravess Cindy Mohler s Jill Graves s Katie Mohler
Communion Hymns
O Come All Ye Faithful by John Francis Wade
O come all ye faithful joyful and triumphant
Oh come ye O come ye to Bethlehem; come and behold him born the King of angels;
O come let us adore Him, O come let us adore
Him, O come let us adore him Christ the Lord.
Sing choirs of angels sing in exultation sing all ye citizens
of heaven above; glory to God in the highest: O come, let us adore him, Christ
the Lord.
I Can Only
Imagine by Mercy Me
I can only imagine what it will
be like
When I walk by Your side.
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When Your face is before me
I can only imagine
Chorus:
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of you be still ?
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the sun
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
Chorus
There are not words for us to express our gratitude to all of
you for all your love, prayers and support over the past several months. Not
only is Joseph’s life story about our love for him, a story about the strength
that faith brings, and a story about trust in God’s will, it is a story about
our friends and family who stood by us through it all. His life could not have
touched so many without your prayers, God’s grace and the Holy Spirit working
through not only us as his parents but all of you.
As parents we believe our primary responsibility is to lead
our children to heaven, thus Joseph’s life, though short, fulfilled our
ultimate goal.In the hour Joseph was
with us on Earth he experience only joy and love.
Joseph,
We love you and you will always be a part of our family.
Though your body was not perfect, your soul is. You have taught us all more
lessons about life and love than many who have lived long full lives. “you are
my son with whom I am well pleased (Mark 1:11).” Joseph, pray for us.
Gratefully, with Love and Prayers,
Jenny and John
In lieu of gifts, flowers, etc. please consider helping other
moms and babies in need with a donation in Joseph’s honor to The Northwest
Center, Maternity Home and Pregnancy Center Programs in Washington, DC http://www.northwestcenter.net/
All Music and lyrics reprinted with permissionCCLI License
#1916063
"Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God... for God is Love." 1 John 4:7-8
"(Joseph's life) so touched my heart that it would change my life forever. For the first time in my life I observed what unconditional love is and learned how to give thanks in all circumstances." Dr Huang, Anesthesiologist, Sinai Hospital
On the day of Joseph’s birth, we
met Dr. Ligang Huang, the Anesthesiologist who would be caring for me during
the Caesarean Section. Dr. Huang was so moved by her witness of Joseph’s life
that she wrote a beautiful, very personal essay about her experience and has
shared it with us. I am humbled and blessed to share some excerpts of her essay
with you now. She she shares her experience from a perspective of one who met
Joseph and was deeply touched by his brief life. We are so thankful for her
account….. She writes….
“I
have been an anesthetist for eight years and I’ve lost count of the times I’ve
done anesthesia for caesarean sections. Many times I celebrated the birth of a
new life. Sometimes I was saddened to see some premature babies requiring
intubation sent to the neonatal intensive care unit. A few times, the fetus had
already died in vivo, and I mourned with the moms. Over all these years of
providing obstetrics anesthesia, I either celebrated the new births, or
lamented for the lives lost. There was never a time to celebrate and mourn,
feel joyful and sorrow at the same time. Last week, one of the caesarean
sections transcended this dichotomy. It so touched my heart that it would
change my life forever. For the first time in my life I observed what
unconditional love is and learned how to give thanks in all circumstances.
Preoperatively we were informed that
the fetus had Thanatophoric Dysplasia, the term means death bearing in Greek.
This is a very rare genetic disorder due to one single gene’s mutation. The
fetus’ skeletal system is severely affected, as a result of it, the thorax is
extremely short and small, and the lungs fail to develop. Many fetuses die in
the wombs, and a few who survive to birth will soon die due to respiratory
failure. Knowing this, all the people at the labor and delivery unit showed
extra consideration to the patient Jenny and her husband John. I had a brief
conversation with them during the preoperative interview. They looked quite
calm, though a hint of sadness was observable.
Technically
this C-Section was no different from other Caesareans. My student did a spinal
anesthesia for Jenny…. Then the obstetricians started the surgery. I saw John
holding a small bag with blue-flower print. I asked him what it was for. He
said it contained a small water bottle and other baptism supplies. Soon the
baby was delivered. He only cried twice in a weak voice, then stopped.
She goes on to describe the surgery
and Joseph’sappearance and states
Then John walked over
to him, disregarded the baby’s physical appearance, gently said to him: “Joe,
Joe, dad is here, mommy is here. We both love you, but Jesus loves you even
more. Happy birthday!” He talked to the baby as if this child was a healthy,
vibrant, handsome boy, a noble prince.
She describes Joseph being handed to John and him cutting
the umbilical cord, and states she was so touched when she heard John say something like...
“Although you are not perfect in appearance, you are whole. In the eyes
of the Lord Jesus, you are whole. ” I did not know how many people in the room
understood what he just said, yet I wasshocked
and touched. The baby was motionless, did not breathe. A little bit light of
life in his eyes gradually dimmed, the color of his face became more and more
pale and dusky. John held the baby to Jenny’s bedside, his hand stroking the
child's little hand.Then this young
couple started singing hymns and praying together. One of the hymns was Jesus
the King of Kings. John looked at the baby tenderly, kissed his little face,
touched his little fingers. As he was kissing, he choked with singing……From
time to time he kissed his wife, holding her hand to comfort her….Jenny's
abdomen was being stitched….. She suppressed her own discomfort, turned her
head toward Joe and kissed him. At last, this couple’s hands locked together
holding the baby. They sang to him so gently as if singing lullabies. Such
tenderness, passion and love overwhelmed me. I had never seen something like
this in my entire life. Everyone’s eyes were wet.
I
stood next to John, not knowing what to say. All the words in the world seemed
inadequate. In the intense light of their love for the baby and for each other,
all words become feeble. The only thing I could do was to give a couple of
gauzes to John to wipe his tears. My nurse anesthetist picked up John’s camera
and took hundreds of pictures. They
did not despise the baby for his appearance, nor reject him because he did not
do anything for them in return.They
loved him unconditionally, the way he was, not expecting any reward. They had
known that this child's life might last just a few minutes, and he would never
become a Dr. Successful to bring them glory. Yet they still loved him. They
knew that this child would not even smile, or cry, or respond to their love,
but they still loved him tenderly. They loved him, because he was created by
God with the breath of life. They loved him in awe and fear of God, and
accepted the gift from God humbly and gratefully. They loved him, because Jesus
loves us unconditionally.God has chosen
us, not depending on our cute appearances, talents, wealth, intelligence or
innocence. There is not a single righteous man in the world, all people have
sinned. …..Yet Jesus still accepts us
just the way we are. He even willingly came to this world to be crucified for
our sins! Oh,
Jesus, Lord Jesus! As Christmas is coming, in the peak business time of the
year, people are busy buying gifts, installing lights to decorate for the
holiday; they seem to forget the true meaning of Christmas. The holiday is
anything but a time for more fun and happiness. But what is the source of
happiness? If Christmas is not focused on the Lord Jesus Christ, why do we
celebrate Christmas then? At this season of celebration, how I am grateful for
Jesus’ incarnation 2,000 years ago. If he did not come, we would have no future
to look forward to. We would not know what unconditional and selfless love is.
If he did not resurrect, we would not be able to receive His new life for
eternity. The true meaning of Christmas is not about commemorating the birth of
a child, but rather to commemorate the Word became flesh, the King of kings’
incarnation. Now God's love shines its radiance from within this young couple.
In
contrast, how many of us appreciate the lives God has given to us? How often do
we offer thanksgiving when we wake up every morning, realizing that we are able
to breathe? How often do we count our blessings before we go to bed at night?
We don’t cherish the children God has given us. We often think the children are
our own properties. We treat them as machines and demand them to perform
exactly as we desire. We scold them when they are not sensible. When they don’t
know how to handle things, we do not have the patience to teach them. When
their academic performances do not meet our expectation, we belittle them. We
speak harsh words to them. We think that we love them, but often we love the
illusions in our minds. We plan for their future professions, but we do not
think it worthy to bring them back to God. Do we ever appreciate our children
solely on the basis of their being created in image of God? We have seen too
much violence, selfishness, greed, and indifference around us. In fact, our
love is selfish and conditional. We really do not know what true love is, and
do not know how to love others.
John
was well aware of the feelings and emotion of his wife. At this moment of
suffering, he did not even think about himself, but held out his hand to
console his wife. He did not even bother to wipe his own tear but reach out for
her..... He kissed his wife affectionately. He did not blame his wife for the
child's deformity nor turn any anger (if there was any) toward her. And Jenny
meekly accepted her husband's love and care… How many couples can share the
bitterness and sweetness of life together? How many couples can face trials of
all kinds from heart- to- heart?.....
She goes on to say…. In
the past two decades, I have watched magnificent choirs, have listened to hymns
of all kinds, but none has moved me like this couple’s. Although this choir had
only two persons, their voices trembling, songs with broken sentences, without
musical instruments for accompaniment, but I dare say it played the most
beautiful music in the whole world, and offered the most moving praise to the
Lord, because they sang from the bottom of their own hearts. How
would parents feel when they watch their child's life gradually slipping away?
How would they feel when they celebrate the coming of a new life and have to
bid that life farewell at the same time? How is it supposed to be when joy
mixed with sorrow?How wrenched are
parents’ hearts in the loss of their own child? Is there any trial in life
greater than this? What is the strength that holds John and Jenny up? What is
the secret that lets them sing praise while their hearts are broken? The answer
comes from the faith which is rooted in the foundation of Jesus Christ. This
couple’s faith is not merely intellectual faith or knowledge, or verbal
profession. Their faith comes from the gospel of Christ.They knew that this child, though his life
was short,would not be subjected to
suffering any more, for he was now at a more beautiful palace, where there is
no death, no disease, no pain, no crying. He rested in the embrace of the Lord
Jesus.
The
apostle James said: “Consider it pure joy,
my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds.” (James1:2) Many people
think that it is just intellectual joy, and in reality no one can do so during
suffering. But this couple proves that it is attainable to be joyful when one
suffers. Their joy comes from the promise of Jesus Christ, from their faith in
the words of the Lord. Yes they were sad, but more joy in the hope of seeing
their beloved Joe in heaven again later. Praises mingled with tears has great power to
touch people’s hearts.
Jenny
told me that they had known the diagnosis when she was in her nineteenth week
of pregnancy. But they did not want an abortion, for they believe that life is
a gift from God and God alone has the right to take it back.“The
Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away. May the name of the Lord be
praised.” (Job 1:21) Each day they would hug the baby in the belly while
waiting for him to grow more. Their love for him got stronger and
stronger.Did they complain against God
about the baby’s deformity? Did they blame unfair fate? Were they angry or
upset? No. They chose thanksgiving and gratitude instead. With tears Jenny told
me that she was very grateful, for she had not expected the baby to live more
than a few minutes, but God gave them one hour to love him! Joe was born at
9:40 am and passed away at 10:40 am. Within this short period of time, Joe was
baptized with water, held by his four grandparents, and hugged by his big
sister. They wanted to give him nothing but love. What is the concept of one
hour? … They thanked God for giving them far more than their expectation! I
just could not believe my ears to hear her saying that. Do we ever thank God
for each hour of our life? In 24 hours each day, how often do we give the due
thanksgiving to God for being able to take a breath? We often take God’s
blessings for granted, and we still complain! We really do not know how to be
grateful.
This
C-section experience will not only transform me, but also transform many
people. Love, transcending time, space and circumstances, is the power of
melting icy hearts. Thus love comes from God, for God is love. (1 John 4:8)
